Description
"Fools said I
You do not know?
Silence, like a cancer, grows..."
I'm no proponent of getting into screaming matches just for the hell of it, but it has occurred to me more and more frequently that more problems are caused because of SILENCE than any form of verbal inducement.
Things become muddled when one or both parties refuses to talk. Silence can sometimes mean assent or agreement. Being silent means not having an objection. Being silent means there is no problem.
WRONG!
Silence IS the problem. I keep having to bite my tongue at work because I can't stand the inefficiency and the stupidity, but my silence isn't solving anything. A friend of mine is in what will soon become an untenable situation because she couldn't tell someone else that what was being done was annoying. Complaints were soothed by what appeared to be an interested (you guessed it) silence.
Guess what, people? A tree, falling alone in a forest with no one to hear it, DOES make a sound. Not being in the place where the tree is falling doesn't make the sound any less of a sound. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. No matter what Simon and Garfunkel sang, you can't always talk without speaking, or hear without listening. Sometimes, you must TALK. You MUST sing those songs that voices never shared.
Unlike that lovely song, I know someone who dares. ME.
I am done being silent when listening to my friends tell me about how they couldn't respond to a problem. I am going to encourage all my friends to TALK to the people they have problems with. Words may be as much of a weapon as the knife against my lips, but at least, unlike the knife, a person can CHOOSE whether or not their words cut.
Share those songs, people. Talk AND speak. Hear AND listen. Maybe if you're lucky, all the trees that fall, or all the people with problems in the world, can be heard for once...because, sometimes, the sound of silence isn't an old friend.
oceansquared said:
remind me not to get on your bad side... although we didn't seem to have problems talking while making pie and chicken nuggets in our underwear.... so I think we're good!
justplainjen said:
very very true.
Unfortunately though - sometimes when you want to try to talk to a friend about something, they are the ones that cut you off and wont listen or even discuss and then you are just left waiting - sometimes forever.
There's someone Id really like to talk to right now, but the person refuses to discuss anything with me, even in private. Nothing much can be done about that.
It solves nothing.
mord said:
I dont think Summer has a bad side ;-), and she looks really pretty in this photo, anyway I could not agree more Summer I hate silence, and Jen thats the worse when people cut you off, when you are willing and still want to talk to them, I had that last year with someone :( all you can do is keep trying but there does come a point when you give up for your own sanity.
justplainjen said:
my first thought was "wow...that must be one stubborn booger up there" ;)
she does look perty :) (Intense eyes)
mord said:
LOLOL Jen you are a proper mummy and you ROCK , perhaps Summer is trying to hypnotize us with her eyes ?
deceptivemirror said:
Kai, as always, you are a delight. Besides, considering what you are training for right now, I have little doubts that you could probably hand me my ass :-). My bad side is indeed scary, but only a few people have made it onto that particular list. You are DEFINITELY not one of them.
::blushes:: Awww, thanks guys! You're going to give me a complex about my eyes, I just know it...
::groans:: The booger thought was admittedly my first thought too.
Problem with silence is that the silences start when words go awry, or don't go at all. I don't distinguish between them, and if someone doesn't want to talk to sort the issue, then the issue needs to be less immediate first. My pet peeve right now is silence when even ONE word could do something useful, as is the case with a friend of mine. She's really too nice sometimes.
desiree said:
Summer .. this was beautifully written, and of course the Sounds of Silence is one of my favorite songs of all time.
Right now... I am just beginning to realize, that every problem in my life right now and the reason I am sitting here this morning with daggers in my HEART and NOT my lips, was caused by my silence. My ability to speak what has been bothering me to my closest family.
I have too many secrets and they have finally started to weigh me down to the point of driving me into the mud and I am just now breaking free of them. I am always so afraid to offend, afraid that people won't like me, so I keep quiet about so many things, in work, at home, with my Family.
Anyway, again beautifully written, and great photo.
deceptivemirror said:
Secrets are secrets. It's hard to share them, but I know it's harder to have to experience them. Being quiet about them doesn't make them any lighter or easier a burden. Even if something's painful, it's better to get it out there. If your family loves you, they WILL want to know if something is the matter with you, if only to pat your back in helpless solicitude. It's better than staying in a situation where one inadvertent word, or turn of phrase, or even expression, can slice bits off your soul like an overcooked roast on a spit.
I'm glad that I was able to write something that makes people think.
bigmammajen said:
I have the same problem in relation to my dad.
Hes never really talked to me - and thus Ive always wondered if he hates me, if hes angry at me or just doesnt care.
His silence is worse than him just saying "I wasnt ready to be a dad. I didnt want you. Sorry - I dont want to invest my heart into you or your children. I didnt ask for you to be born" - at least Id KNOW why he didnt talk to me.
As it is, I sit in wait every christmas/birthday hoping to get a card (Does he care about me? Did he remember me? - it never comes) - he didnt call me when my mother died. I havent seen him in over 8 years, last time I saw him was when we took my grandmas ashes to seaside oregon to set her free...I talked to him on the phone about a year ago while my sister was here (he talks to her...but not me...even visits her on occasion) - but all he said was "hows the weather" and "well it was good to talk to you...take care"
honestly, his silence cuts a million times deeper than a "I dont love you - never did" - because its the wondering, waiting, worrying, wishing...that kills me.
I wish he would just say it - so I could move on and not keep that little tiny bit of hope that hes going to come around and all of a sudden want to have a little girl in his life.
yes - you did get us thinking :)
I stopped sending him letters and fathers day cards - but maybe I shouldnt do that. At least HE isnt wondering and aching to know if I love him or want him in MY life - no one deserves that torture, not even he who tortures me with his silence.
deceptivemirror said:
: As I read over the commentary to this, I have to wonder at my own silence regarding my still-recent singlehood. I've just received word that the guy actually isn't a complete dick and has actually asked about me. Still, silence on his part was the norm for the past few months, and so I was damaged by the thought that I was being ridiculed, discussed with the new woman, and such like that.
I know for a fact that I won't know the full details until I ask, but I too am bound by the chains of silence. Sometimes, Jen, it's better to just ASK. Not getting the answer hurts, but getting the answer would probably hurt worse. Maybe, though, it'd be like lancing an infected wound. You've lived with the dread of his inability to talk to you for years upon years, and sometimes, even getting the QUESTION out there, into the comment reply box, onto paper, in your thoughts, causes so much pain. Asking the question, even if you don't get a reply, grants a form of closure. You asked, and maybe the answer will be there in time...or the question will be answered.
It's better to know for sure. I also wish that in this issue I could take my own advice and ask what is going on, but instead I'm going to put myself to work in the other areas of my life where silence is harming me and mine. I believe that it is the duty of the other party in this to end the silence, since I was not the one who began it in the first place.
What keeps running through my head right now is "peace isn't silence." Peace is a stillness that gives life to our thoughts and feelings. If one can gain peace through speaking out, then why keep silent?
stovetop66 said:
I DONT KNOW WHATS THIS ABOUT ,,,,BUT IT DOESNT LOOK PROMISING
Gaurdian said:
I love the way u THINK AND I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT SILENCE.